A surgeon tells us that the following comments were actually made by his patients (predominantly male) while he was performing colonoscopies:

“I usually don’t do this on the first date.”

“Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”

“Can you hear me now?”

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

“You know, in some states, we’re now legally married.”

“Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”

“You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out, you put your left and in and you shake it all about….”

“Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

“If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”

“Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

And the best one of them all…

“Could you write a note for my wife stating that, in your considered medical opinion, my head is not up there?”

Maintain your natural excellent health, and avoid colonoscopies. Follow Ann Wigmore’s RECIPES FOR LONGER LIFE/a>.