Oh, how I love focussing on you! If you would only stop doing this or that, or if you’d start doing this or that, then finally, maybe I’d be happy. Relieved of the responsibility of self, it was so easy to be critical, resentful and dependent on you. If you only knew what you were doing to me. If you loved me you wouldn’t act this way. Don’t you care about me? These were my constant thoughts.
When I first entered Al Anon, my sponsor told me something shocking – he told me that my happiness and well being were MY responsibility. He told me it was and always will be up to me to make my life enjoyable and safe. “But what happens when she does this?” I protested. “Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror,” he told me.
What was I doing to cause, contribute or react to a situation? THAT should be my only concern.
It took me a while to see the profound wisdom of this new way of thinking. Once I put the focus on me, I regained the power to influence and direct my life and happiness. If it’s all about you, and I have absolutely no control over you, then I will forever be a victim. But when I place the power and responsibility where I do have some control – over my own life – that’s when I begin to recover and regain hope. It’s about the mirror, not the magnifying glass.
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