“Would you like a taste of this wonderful wine?”
“No, thank you.”
“Be a good guest…drink the wine. We uncorked it especially. It’s a beautiful and rare vintage.”
“No thank you. I appreciate the offer, though.”
“Drink the wine . It’s very expensive but you can have a glass free, and we’ll give you an extra plate of supper.”
“No, I’m fine as I am.”
“Drink the wine and we’ll feed your entire village for a week and reduce your taxes.”
“Wow, all that for wine? What’s in it? Still, no thank you.”
“We’ll make you a Duke!”
“How unusually generous, but no thanks, I’m content in my home.”
“Drink the damn wine, or we’ll stop you working.”
“Say what now?”
“We’ll ban you from markets!”
“Wow, your tone just changed!”
“Now you need to drink three glasses or we’ll stop you riding your horse or seeing your family for the next year.”
“Wait, what? Three glasses? Can’t see my family?”
“Did we say three glasses? We meant three bottles.”
“Three bottles?”
“Yes…every few months we want you to drink three bottles of this particular wine we’ve prepared, indefinitely, for many years.”
“Years?”
“Yes, or we’ll imprison you for treason.”
“OK, what is IN this damn wine that you are trying SO HARD to get everyone to drink?”
“We can’t tell you. Trade secret.”
“It’s poisoned, isn’t it?”
“No..it’s…ummm…it’s just really really good for you. It’s errr… special healing wine.”
“Then why all the threats?”
“We just need you to…I mean we strongly encourage you to drink the wine so you don’t miss out.”
“But the Earl drank a glass and collapsed!”
“Unrelated.”
“No.. he was fine, then had a glass, then keeled over…he’s still on the floor writhing. Look at him! His face is blue and he’s clawing at his chest!”
“Coincidence. Guards…please escort the Earl to his chambers. He’s had too much wine.”
“Aha! I knew it was the wine! What about the rest of the court? Half of them also collapsed after the wine.”
“Those guests got ill from something else. Probably the chicken.”
“All at the same time?”
“You sure do ask a lot of questions! Guards! Guards…get this man his wine.”
“I don’t want it. What if something happens to me after drinking it?”
“We’re not liable for that.”
“Not liable for the wine you produce? I definitely don’t want it.”
“Drink your wine so everyone else doesn’t get a hangover.”
“Huh? That makes no sense. If they didn’t keep drinking they wouldn’t get hung over in the first place!”
“Look at these paintings of people drinking wine all over the gallery. See how happy they look!”
“Paintings? I don’t drink wine. I don’t want the wine. Even the idea of drinking this wine now leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”
“Ah, no matter if you don’t want to drink it.”
“OK, good. Let’s drop the subject now.”
“You don’t have to drink it. We can pump it directly into your veins. You won’t even have to taste it.”
“Wait, into my veins? Are you serious? I don’t want your damn wine!!”
“TAKE THE DAMN WINE NOW!
WE’VE ALREADY PAID FOR A WHOLE CRATE FOR EACH MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY!
WE’VE SIGNED AN ONGOING CONTRACT WITH THE DISTILLERY! ALL WHO CRITICIZE THIS WINE WILL HAVE THEIR TONGUES CUT OUT!
PEOPLE WHO ARE NOW DRUNK ON THE LAST BATCH WILL BE RECLASSIFIED AS SOBER, AND MUST DRINK THE NEW BATCH!
AND YOUR KIDS WILL DRINK THE WINE TOO! EVEN YOUR BABY!
SWAP HER MILK BOTTLE FOR WINE ! SHE’S OLD ENOUGH FOR WINE NOW! EVERYONE DRINK THE WINE!”
Then, every citizen swears off wine, resists massively, throws the tyrants into solitary confinement and lives happily ever after……
